How I Learned About Gender Issues
So, I asked Toni if I could speak about gender issues when I
came here. I say gender issues because to me, sexual inequality, for women, for
the LGBT community, has forever been a central issue in humanity and in the
past 150 yrs or so has finally gotten some air time on the political stage. You
know it took women 72 yrs to get the right to vote back in 1920. Seventy-two
yrs! It was that difficult for the minds of men to comprehend treating women as
equal, treating everyone as equal, was a reasonable idea. But you know men.
There was a lot at stake. When you are the dominant force in society, treating
others as equal means giving up power.
In communication
theory, they talk about the concept of “the other.” The Other is someone outside
the approved group, someone it is OK to pick on, to marginalize, to ignore, to
exploit. The other is always mysterious and not part of the community of the
“understood.” Being mysterious, the Other always provokes distrust and
suspicion. Essentially unknowable, or supposedly so, the Other’s methods are
concerning, their intentions suspect, and their hidden savagery and selfish
intention always a given. Because of
this,the Other is forever being attacked. They’re ripe for subjugation, they
must be controlled, kept away for the switches of power. It is for everybody’s
own good if we define them and keep them in their place.
Now I tried to write this to make you think of the way the
mainstream looks at, say Muslims, or marijuana users, the poor, the pagan,
sundry brown-skinned people of varying ethnicity or, most recently, Guatemalan
teen-age immigrants, but you know I am talking about the way society, meaning
our male-dominated society, treats women and the LGBT community.
Now I know I do not have to tell you about what it is like
to be marginalized in your own society. If we are dealing w stereotypes here
then I am the stereotype oppressor: a hetero old white guy. I only know stories
of women’s lives, you guys live them. I
don’t need to tell you about the grand or the everyday struggles of being a
woman, a mother, or a daughter in a society that presents women as a commodity
to be consumed and a social force needing to be corralled, nearly 100 yrs after
women got the vote and the idea of equality, but it’s not reality yet. Though I
myself have never been a woman, I can plainly see that. Though I have been a
man, a father and a son and intimately and socially involved w women my whole
life. Heck, I like women so much I used to live in one.
But seriously. Women’s issues in specific are not something
I will ever know from the inside out as it were. But I can tell you about some
of the women I’ve known, the things I’ve seen them face. My mom, Patsy Ann
Perrodin, was a nightclub singer. She never quite liked being thought of as a “Patsy” and changed her stage name to Pattie
Weisser when she married my step-dad, a rough and tumble hard drinking
electrical contractor literally named Bud Weisser. But before they met I was
raised by a single mom, who shaped my life more than she lived to know
She kept a professional music career going for nearly 20 yrs
despite being in and out of the hospital repeatedly for umpteen surgeries, even
as the world of live music was leaving her style behind. She made sure I
understood that politics was important, that the world operated in ways we must
pay attention to or else the powers that be will take care of their own wants
at our expense. We championed Martin Luther King. We cried when Bobby died,
opposed the war in a part of the US where it was not safe to do so, and watched
the Watergate hearing together intently in the summer of ’73.
She quietly overcame a mountain of medical complications that
repeatedly halted her momentum as a performer, constantly reinventing herself,
a writer, a painter, a small-town, small-time business woman. When I returned
from being a teen runaway, we went to college together. My dad fought against
it. He needed a ditch-digger; but she persisted and we went to school, 40 miles
each way for my first semester back into quote real world after living on the
road. Her health dropped off and dropped her out of school at some point in our
second semester; and my early taste for misadventure derailed me before too
long. But that wasn’t the story I wanted to tell you about her.
When I was very little, she spent some time in a mental
hospital. As you can guess, when she returned, to my little baby’s mind, she
seemed a superhero to me and I really never changed in my mind after that. In
my childhood, in her youth, she lived her life a star. But my mom’s ancient
local celebrity isn’t the point here. The point of the story here is I remember
her being afraid … and taking on the world anyway. I mean she literally sang
for our supper in a time when working in a nightclub made her a marked woman.
She focused on her gifts. She focused on her hope and never stopped; and those
are skills that men do not teach each other.
So, I honor women’s issues because I honor my mom. I also
fight for women’s issues at least as intently to honor my surrogate mom during
my teens, Susanne Nicholson, a take-no-nonsense Viet vet nurse who was way more
butch than most drill sergeants. She fought for every activist issue you could
imagine in the early 70s and for about five yrs lived w us while she worked as
a social worker and put herself through college at Pan American University in
Edinburg, TX same nearby college my mom and I would go to. Later when she went
onto grad school, in the booming city of
Houston where she got her doctorate in gerontology, I got to spend summers w
her and see what the world outside my tiny town of five thousand was like.
Later, Suzanne returned to Edinburg to create nutritional
programs for nursing home in South Texas, I got to live w her and actually be a
student on the campus where’d I’d spent my teenage summers. It was a dream come
true … for a couple of semesters then I moved on and that is a whole other
story but, it was Suzanne who introduced me to the politics of gender equality
in a way my mom never could. Suzanne was a buzz-cut butch. This was back in the
70s, back in the day when the straight culture, especially the rural straight
culture, had no qualms about being openly hostile to gay culture. This was in a
time when stories like Matthew Sheppard were routine.
Once she moved away from Raymondville, TX, Suzanne immersed
herself in the suddenly emerging LGBT culture and she showed me that being LGBT,
though a rich culture, was more than a whim. Much more than the ridiculous
messages my pop culture was telling me at the time. In some cases it is a
biological imperative, in all cases it was a battle against a society that has
no qualms about marginalizing and even killing the LGBT, the queer, the weirdo.
I know about that first hand as well, remind me to tell you sometime about
surviving my very own gay-bashing, but that is a different story.
Yes, Suzanne gave me so much and taught more than me about
acceptance of gay culture. After I moved on, she continued to help and house
other awkward youth. Later on when she died , she and her partner were together
at home. They had to be. Lesbian couples were not allowed together in hospitals
back then. No wonder she taught me to fight. She was the person who taught me
that feminism wasn’t just a lesbians’ issue or a woman’s issue. Gender equality
frees straight males from sexual stereotypes just as well. Making sure all
children are wanted, get health care, get educated, get loved, these aren’t
just women’s issues, female stereotypes, these are the values that make life
worth living. These are the values we want from good government. Feminism or
no, these values matter more than who has the biggest army, or has accumulated
the most wealth.
So, when Suzanne told me about the development of the battle
for the ERA and the development of NOW, I had no hesitation wearing a NOW pin
to college and that is why I met the 3rd person I work to honor, my
late wife Lisa Weisser. In that redneck time in South Texas a young man who would
go to college w his mom and wear a
NOW pin was pretty rare. Let’s see, on
that campus there was probably … me.
A 20yr Montessori teacher till mental health issues took her
life, Lisa Weisser was also a life-long liberal, a feminist, peace activist, secularist,
environmentalist, and educator; but she was always troubled. In and out of
mental hospitals her whole life, at one point she chose to have an abortion
rather than bring a 2nd child into her unstable world. It wasn’t a decision I
loved, but she was the woman I loved and it was entirely her body. It was a
hard choice, but we never doubted it was hers to make. And I still believe that,
as Roe v Wade declared, until a fetus is viable, the life of the mother is the
primary concern. I certainly believe that standard safe medical abortion is not
murder, and neither is birth control. Birth control is the essence of responsibility.
Even more importantly access to safe birth control is the best way to curb
abortion and men who try to limit it, are trying to use your own ovaries as
chains.
And I have to wonder, being a man and knowing how men think,
I have to wonder if the religious rush to illegalize abortion and even prohibit
access to birth control is about controlling your ovaries, or controlling your
vaginas. I wonder, the way some male dominated cultures, some religiously
dominated cultures veil women and shame them for the lustful thoughts men don’t
want to take responsibility for having, for hateful actions they explain away
as lust. And that’s actually the story I want to tell you about Lisa Weisser
and what happened when she was raped once in a mental hospital. I don’t want to
tell you about the rape. That is an awful story.
I want to tell you what happened afterward. I want to tell
you how, when we discovered the state of Illinois’ budget cut for mental health
operations led directly to dissolving the sexual predator ward at the state
mental hospital and sending a serial rapist to a unit full of the easy victims,
the depressed and the medicated, she fought back against the stupidity in a way
she could not fight back against her attacker. When she discovered a bureaucratic
decision to save a dime and cut the quality of a government service led directly
to her rape and others we found, she filed a landmark lawsuit for placing
budget above human concerns. She fought that lawsuit for the rest of her life.
And in the end, the State of Illinois was found liable for negligence and endangerment.
And the state hospital system changed back to a system that put patient safety
first and not nickels and dimes. The case only took 14 yrs. Lisa only lived 11 of
them.
I don’t have to tell you the details of this story. You can
actually read them in a series of articles in Springfield, Illinois’ Illinois
Times. And it is somewhat unfair that I
am not telling you stories of Beth Weisser, my wife for the past 8 yrs, the
woman who inspired me every bit as much as any of my other great heroes, who is
every bit the activist I am and fighting her own campaign in Mohave County for
the LD5 House race. But I don’t have to tell you stories of the women face. You
live them. I only have the ones I share.
But I can tell you this: while I may never be a congressman,
as a candidate, as a man, as a human, I can tell you I will never be OK w an
America that does not respect gender equality. I owe it to the women who taught
me what it means to be an American, what it means to be human.I promise you I
will never be OK w treating any group of Americans as “the others.” I will fight
for the single moms out there singing for their suppers. I will fight to make
sure they get every dime they are worth and every dime equal to a man. I will
work for laws to protect women and children from domestic violence, from
violence against women in the military and from the violence of bullying in our
schools. I will work to make sure every child get a chance to experience the
way education changed my life, whether it be keeping college in reach of the
average American, fully funding full day kindergarten and keeping child care
within reach of working moms; so when parents dream of their child’s future,
there is a way to make those dreams come true.
I pledge to work for that ERA Constitutional amendment,
especially now that it is being revived. I pledge to work for equality for the
LGBT community; because if you can’t marry who you want and you can’t adopt
when you want and when you can’t be w the one you love at their time of life or
death crisis, well, that not even like being a citizen is it? I promise I will
never say a woman is not allowed to control her own reproductive rights. I
promise as a male, I will NEVER be OK w any kind of restrictions on access to
birth control. (& Hobby Lobby, you have not convinced me your right to be
greedy heartless bastards trumps the rest of America’s commitment to protecting
a woman’s right to have access.
I will never put budget cuts ahead of public safety and most
of all I promise to fight for gender issues with all the strengths these women
have given me. That I can promise, that I can tell you. But I don’t have to
tell you stories of the lives women face. You live them. I only have the ones I
share. Thank you for letting me do that.
Thank you.